Race For A New Me!

So today is the day………………………….the day that my race began!

January 2011 I had lost a good amount of weight and felt healthier than I had felt in a few years but after the miscarriage life took over…………….. I was busy being a taxi for my Hubby, taking him to one appointment or another due to his back injury, I was busy taking J to one appointment or another, (OT, Speech, Psychologist, Peadiatrician, school etc etc). I was just busy and despite doing the odd hour here and there on the exercise bike or Wii Fit I simply just didn’t have time to work on myself. I liked being busy, life was strangely easier when I was busy.

This week one of my best friends asked if I would do the Race For Life with her. I’ve done this a few times in the past before leaving for Australia but always on my own. Although the Race For Life is only 5km, running/jogging is always something I’ve struggled with and each time I’ve had to rely on my inhalers (for Asthma) to get me through the Race. That said, it didn’t take me very long to text her a big yes back!

So today we signed ourselves up as a group and for the first time in a while I feel like I’m doing something positive! This is the reason I’ve been needing to improve my fitness and if I lose a few pounds whilst raising a few pounds for a good cause in the process, well that’ll be a huge bonus. I’m not going into it with my head up in the clouds, we’re going to train properly and I’m well aware that I will almost definitely still have a need to use my inhaler. However my aim, our aim is to begin working on our fitness……………and it’s going to be great fun training together

Today is the first day in my race for a new healthier me………………………….wish us luck!

Oh and if you feel like donating to a great cause, Cancer Research UK, if you click on the Race For Life image above it’ll take to our just giving page where you can sponsor us by making your donation. You can also support us by sponsoring through the page or you can also text MUMS78 £5 to 70070 and through your phone bill that’s a £5 donation. A huge thankyou in advance to anyone that donates

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Surprise!

J has NEVER been a child that has dealt with change or surprises well, everything has always had to be planned and J given warning of a possible change or “surprise”.

This weekend has been a tough one, J has been in a not so good mood.

My brother and his girlfriend came to visit Saturday morning, it was a planned visit and J was ready for it. The visit itself went pretty well, J was ok with them being here and showed them some of his things etc. Just before they left he began to have a little “moment” and refused to say goodbye to them when they left, choosing instead to hide in his room. This is where I began to worry what we were in store for next………. saying goodbye to people is something that he ………….prefers to do, so by missing out on doing so I just knew that he’d we’d have a problem. When he had calmed down from his “moment” (if you’re reading this little bro he moved on from banging on the floor to screaming about 3 seconds after I’d shut the front door), he then started complaining and whining because he hadn’t said goodbye to Uncle D………………and so the bad mood began!

I managed to get him to eat some cereal lunch and was just washing up the pots when there was a knock at the door. It was another family member, A, and her little boy. It was lovely to see her and I’d never met her little man before so it really was lovely to finally meet him and to have a quick cuddle However this was a surprise visit, one that J was 100% not ready for. He wasn’t very nice to the 2 of them at all, he wasn’t happy about them touching his things and was just really unsettled having them at our house………….Then we had another surprise visit……….A’s brother, JA and his son! Again it was nice seeing them. However, despite being ok with JA and his son on a previous visit, J was not happy about having another surprise and  proceeded to be not so nice to them aswell.

The bad mood continued into the evening and was still present this morning *sigh* So when JA and his son, L, came for another surprise visit it didn’t go down well. Again J wouldn’t let JA’s son touch any of his things and was not so nice to him. Just before JA and his son left J decided to hurt L. He pulled his hair and upset him…………..J tells me it’s because he asked if he could go on his DS!!   Grrrrrrrr!  But it wasn’t just them that he was mean to, this Mummy has received a couple more minor injuries too

This afternoon we went to visit a friend, a planned visit that he was looking forward to. Despite wanting to visit the friend he had an issue with getting in the car because there was a blanket under his booster seat (to protect the seat of the car), and he was insisting that he would get dirty if he got into the car whilst the blanket was under his seat………………….Anyhow once we’d gotten through that “discussion”, off we went. He behaved pretty well at our friend’s house, she allowed him to play on her Wii………Mario ofcourse! (Thankyou xxxx)  He began to get a little cross when he had to turn the Wii off and it was time to leave……….unfortunately the bad mood continued once we had left. We popped to Tesco before going home (I needed milk) and although he didn’t have any big “moments”, the bad mood continued and he got a little upset. He’s now gone to bed grumpy and arguing………he doesn’t understand why he has to go to bed, he doesn’t like to sleep, Sleeping is boring…….etc etc (you know the usual things).

On top of the bad mood he’s refused to eat for most of the weekend, not unusual I know but he’s eaten even less than usual.

I don’t know what’s caused the bad mood. Maybe it’s the cold he’s caught, maybe it’s just the stress that’s built up whilst at school during the week, maybe it’s a reaction to events on Friday…………………or maybe it’s all of those things and the surprise visits were just too much to try to cope with.

So family and friends what I’m trying to explain/say/ask is ………………………..PLEASE let us know in advance before coming to visit. Please don’t just drop by and expect us to be happy to see you or indeed expect us to be able to just drop by with no notice. I’m not trying to be a pain, I’m not “playing up to J’s behaviour” and I’m not asking for much, just a little notice………a pre warning for J. We really do love seeing everyone but just need a little warning…………Thanks in advance

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Thankful For Friends

Over the past few months we’ve learnt just how valuable some friends can be.

Just before leaving Australia a couple of close friends that we made over there  helped us in simple ways. Supporting us by coming around regularly to see us,chatting,  helping us with our car, (because of Hubby’s hurt back he’s not be able to do any work on our car), trying to find some way that we could have stayed in Australia and simply by bringing us a smile and cheering us up. Although it has been nice to see a couple of close friends that we left behind in England, I do miss my Aussie friends and I know that J is missing his best friend, M, he’s even asked “when is M coming to my school?”

Since arriving back in the UK we’ve really struggled to find a rental property, the local council told us we weren’t a priority and we would have to go to the bottom of a very long waiting list to be housed and all but one private letting agency wouldn’t help at all because of our lack of UK references. We finally moved into a rental property last week but have spent the past few weeks staying with my Hubby’s best friend. Not only are we incredibly grateful that he put us up in his spare room but he has put up with J’s meltdowns, nightmare bedtimes, sharing his fridge, (which I kinda took over hehe), and his dog, (a big white staffy), being constantly bothered and even sucker punched, which really shocked us, J insisted he had done it because the dog liked it and was playing with him! We’re just grateful that the dog didn’t “play” back.  I can honestly say that I don’t know many people who would be willing to put up with everything that he has over the past few weeks and for that we will be forever grateful.

We’ve had advice and the odd message here and there online from some wonderful friends who have lifted our spirits. We’ve had catchups with some old friends that we left behind in the UK, which again has lifted our spirits.

Our friends have really got us through some tough times over the past few months and if any of them are reading this, (which I’m pretty sure a couple of them will), I just want to say…………….

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Parenthood You’re Playing On My Mind…….

For those of you that don’t know I’m a huge Parenthood fan, (the TV show, although I love being a Parent too hehe). Last week’s episode has been replaying in my mind over and over again.

My Husband would probably agree that I’m alot like Kristina from the show, (the mother of Max who has Aspergers), she worries alot, likes to be organised and in control and most importantly is trying to find out everything she possibly can about Aspergers and tries to help and support her son in ever way possible,  (You just have to watch the Halloween episode, when they go trick or treating to know that), although at times is a little OCD about it and OTT.

Anyhow, I can see alot of myself in her character and it’s a show that I just absolutely love. Sometimes it makes me laugh, sometimes it makes me cry and sometimes it really makes me think!

In last week’s episode Max started mainstream school and Kristina was beside herself with worry. She was so concerned that she actually went to the school during recess and watched him sitting by himself whilst the other kids played around him. My heart just completely went to pieces at that point. Most of you will know that J’s experience at school so far hasn’t been a good one but we’ve persisted and stuck it out all year, rather than moving schools and then moving him again when we move. He doesn’t cope well with change and we kept telling ourselves, “he’s learning social skills”, “he’s learning how to make friends”, “he gets to play with other kids his age” and such like. Right up until that episode of Parenthood, that’s what I’ve been telling myself……………….. then I watched Kristina as she watched Max and then spoke with his teacher and realised, Kristina is me and Max is J and at that moment I knew exactly how her character felt.

The scenes from that episode have been playing over and over in my mind, what if that was J, sitting there all alone, not interacting with the other kids, not running around with them having fun, not joining in………….what if?

Then my fears were confirmed, by strange coincidence we had J’s PLP (IEP) meeting this week. All of his past teachers this year, who quite obviously haven’t paid very much attention to J have told us time and time again that he’s very popular, he plays well with others and so on. This week we discovered that those, I’m sure well meaning, teachers had simply been telling us what they thought we wanted to hear. His teacher this term has also spent time in the classroom on several occasions over the last year and she informed us that academically he’s fabulous (no surprises there but it was nice to hear) but she told us that she is concerned about his social skills or lack of them. He has made huge progress over the past 18 months. 18 Months ago he would sit at the back of the room rather than with the other children at carpet time whilst at daycare. Whilst there he would also stand back and watch the other children, rather than join in or be in amongst the action. He’s now quite happy to play by himself or with his best friend (also an Aspie) in the sand whilst the other children play around him, so although he’s playing by himself he’s amongst the action………….does that make sense? His teacher and the HOSE informed us that they’re concerned because he hasn’t moved on any further, it’s almost a though he wants to join in but doesn’t know how to. He doesn’t ask the other kids to play, nor does he ask to join the other children in their games. He has limited interaction with the other children that isn’t instructed or negotiated by an adult and they’re concerned. They’ve put into his plan that this is an area that needs to be worked on.

My concern is, what if this is it? what if this is as good as his social skills are going to get? What if he ends up being that kid who sits alone at recess/lunch because he doesn’t know how to be around the other kids? and a big concern for me is how is all of this affecting his emotional well being?

 

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Our Holiday That Wasn’t Really A Holiday

So our friends left us last night to return to the UK and we’re missing them already.

It’s been great having them here for the past week and a half but it’s gone by way too quickly. Having them here has been a little like having a holiday, without actually having a holiday We tried to fit in as much as possible whilst they were here…………….. the Gold Coast, the Sunshine coast, the Beach, Brisbane, Australia Zoo, Whale Watching and Sydney, (although we didn’t join them whale watching or in Sydney). Here’s some pictures from our “holiday”

 

 

 

 

 

It’s been fab having them here!

J has been a star and has coped really well having guests stay with us. Our guests visiting Sydney was well timed and the “time out” that he needed. He spent a day in pj’s playing computer games and just being himself, which was just what he needed. He got pretty tired whilst they were here but only had a handful of meltdowns and saved them for when our friends weren’t with us, well done little man!

Having our friends stay was just what we all needed, a “holiday” and a little bit of home……….. so thanks S and M for visiting, come back again soon!

 

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2 More Sleeps!

2 more sleeps!!!

2 more sleeps until our friends arrive from the UK. We can’t wait!

 

It’s going to be great to see some friendly faces from home

Hubby’s really looking forward to seeing his best friend from back home. Back in the UK he used to see S almost everyday, I think he’s missed this, although they do speak on Skype……………… Whilst it’s great catching up on Skype, let’s face it, it’s not the same, so hubby’s really looking forward to seeing him.

As for me, I just can’t wait to see a familiar friendly face  :)

I’m curious too, I’m wondering how J is going to react to seeing them and having them stay in our house. So far he’s very excited that they’re visiting but he’s not excited about seeing them, he’s excited because they’re bringing some of his favourite biscuits and crisps with them LOL

He’s also very excited about some of the trips that we have planned. They aren’t staying for too long and so we’re planning on fitting in as much as possible, starting ofcourse with the Zoo.

J is planning on showing them how to feed the kangaroos and he can’t wait to show our friends the other animals at the    zoo. We’re also planning trips to the Gold and Sunshine coasts and ofcourse a trip into the city for some shopping. I’m planning on taking J to the Museum whilst they have their shopping trip because shopping trips aren’t much fun for him

We’re all very excited and can’t wait for them to arrive…………………….. 2 more sleeps!!!

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A Friend

A friend is always there to support

Always there with you in your fort

No matter how hard the battle

Or how many chains you’ll rattle

A friend would always offer a hug

Not turn their back with a shoulder shrug

Shoulders are there to be cried upon

And always there to be relied upon

A friend would never turn you away

No matter what time of might or day

Together you’ll always laugh and cry

No matter how much time goes by

A friend will always open their door

Because that’s what friends are for

They’re always ready and willing to share

A friend is always there to care

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Friendship

Friendship, it’s a powerful word isn’t it?   It means different things to different people and of course people (including myself) have different types of friends. To me a friendship is a bond…….. it’s there to support and care without judgement, ok so you can’t agree on every single little thing but you respect and care about each other enough to understand that and move on.

Over the years, (I know I’m making myself sound old now right?), I’ve come to realise and understand that all friendships change over time, some for the better, some unfortunately take a turn for the worse. Moving to the other side of the world will test a friendship or two!

I met my best friend, SS, whilst at college, something just clicked with us right from the start and we’ve been friends ever since. SS is one of the most beautiful friends anyone could have. She’s the friend that I’d go to if I needed help, the one that I can always rely on, always there to offer support or even just a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on and when J was christened, the one who became J’s Godmother. I know that no matter what happens in life SS and I (and J) will always have each other to turn to………… SS if you’re reading this, we love you and are so lucky to have you in our lives x

When we first moved from the UK to Australia we found upon our return to the UK that we had lost a few friendships and since moving back to Australia early last year we’ve lost a few more. It’s hard work maintaining some friendships when you’re on the opposite sides of the world, it takes abit of effort on both parts and unfortunately sometimes that little bit of effort is a little more hard work than you’d thought it would be. It’s sad to think about but slowly over time these friendships that you’d once thought of as good friendships start to become “old friends”, that’s just life and the way it goes sometimes.

I have a fair few “friends” on Facebook but even as I look through my list of “friends” I can (and have) put them into different groups.

I have my “old friends”, people that I once had good friendships with, old school friends, work friends etc. These are friendships that I formed and welcomed (and wouldn’t be without) but as time has passed, life has gotten in the way and the strong friendships that we might have once had, have dwindled but we still touch base once in a while, say Hi and are “friends”.

I have my “online friends”, the blogging world has opened up a whole new world of friendships to me, one that I am so grateful for. Some of my “online friends” have become some of my most respected friends. There’s so much support offered by some, it’s beyond words what these people mean to me. You have restored my faith in human nature and helped me heaps, Thankyou x

I have my “friends”, people that I still have close/good friendships with, people that I have recently formed friendships with etc………Friends who I care about (ok I care about all my friends but I hope you understand what I mean by that), friends that I spend time with, in person or online, offer support to and receive support from and love having the occasional (when time and life permits), chat to.

And I have my closest friends, the people that know me inside and out, the people that would be there to answer a call, give a hug, (even a cyber one) etc at 3 am if I needed it and vice versa.  The friendships that will always be there, no matter what life throws at you.

My “close friends” group is an elite one and I don’t have too many, I’ve discovered over the years that unfortunately there aren’t too many in the world that you can truly trust. With all friendships there is a certain unspoken trust between you, a trust that you won’t be judged, a trust that you will be understood, respected, cared for, listened to and a trust that you can both be relied upon. Over the past couple of weeks some things have happened, (I won’t get into details), but the result of this has meant that I have started questioning some of my “friendships”. I’ve been let down hugely by someone that I had thought was a “close friend”, but over the past couple of weeks I’ve realised that we weren’t close friends. Close friends don’t treat each other this way and I’m now left wondering if we were ever “friends” at all, or if we were more  acquaintances. I really don’t know but I do know that it makes me sad to think that this could be true and has had me browsing through my “friends” deleting and reorganising my groups.

I know that all of my friendships have and do mean alot to me, each have and are so valuable in their own unique way and I wouldn’t be without any of them…………………………………and of course as some dwindle away one thing is always certain SS and I will always have each other

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It’s Been A While…….

Helloooooo!

To quote one of my favourite songs (by Staind)  ”It’s been a while”……………… I haven’t really posted much on my blog over the past few weeks other than a few reviews that I was lucky enough to be asked to do. I’ve been super busy trying to …………………..how can I put this?……………….. sort some things out in our lives, I guess is one way of explaining everything.

After the miscarriage we had a huge amount of tests done, (it was our 5th) and were supposed to return to the hospital for the results and further investigation last month. However the hospital wrote postponing the appointment until June! As you can imagine we’re abit all over the place at the minute, wondering what is going on, if there is something wrong, if there will ever be another J joining our family, (yes I know he’s one of a kind but you know what I mean), and of course coming to terms with everything that has happened. I’m so proud of our little family, we’ve dealt with everything brilliantly and most importantly together

My Husband hurt his back at work, way back in January and well………..it’s pretty bad. Finally after attending Physio and doctor appointments for 3 months our Doctor has referred him to a specialist. We are due to see a Surgeon in a couple of weeks, (waiting lists eh!).  Both the Doctor and the Physiotherapists (yes he’s been seeing more than one) have told him that his back is so bad that he should not return to work and should consider looking at a new career…………… easy to say, not so easy to do when it’s all you have ever done!

J is still struggling with school and we are getting little support from them, because he somehow manages to hold it together whilst he’s at school and doesn’t erupt, letting all of his anxieties out until we exit the school, (although a couple of times has started to unravel just before we’ve got to the school gate), they don’t see that he has an issue with school. We keep getting the same response, “he’s doing well”, “he’s coping well”, “he’s settled in well”……..you get the picture. This week we have yet another meeting at the school to discuss what is happening and to make an action plan. This time Hubby will be with me, it will be great to have his support at the meeting, even if it is just so that they (the school) can hear things from his point of view and with a bit of luck they may listen and take on board what is being explained to them. I’m convinced that the majority of the staff at the school either don’t listen to what I’ve been telling them or simply don’t believe me and see me as an over reactive Mother!  So guess we’ll see how the meeting goes………………….apparently this time we will also be joined by the Principal.

As for me, I have been keeping busy with the above issues and working very hard on Tafe, (College), assignments. If Hubby can’t return to work I will be returning to work full time, rather than part time. I don’t have a problem with this but in order to return to work I have to have Australian qualifications. I work in Childcare and over the last year have been trying to get my UK qualifications transferred over to their Australian equivalent. Finally I have received confirmation that most units/modules have been transferred over…………. all except 2, which I will have to enrol at the local Tafe to do. I have enrolled for one and have been frantically trying to get an assignment completed that is due at the end of this month. Then the fun will begin again once I enrol for the other unit……….. however once I’ve completed both units and a first aid and CPR course it will all be worth it, (so I keep telling myself), because I will be able to return to work

We have also discovered that J’s passport runs out next month and so have also been trying to organise everything in order to renew it…………. do you know how hard it is to get a 5 yr old ASD child to pose for passport pictures!?!?!

I have also set up a parent support group for parents with children on the spectrum with a good friend of mine, D and so have been very busy trying to help organise everything. We have, so far, only met a couple of times but have seen new faces each time and have received a very positive response to the group. Because of everything else that has been happening over the past week or so I haven’t really done a great deal to contribute this week so sorry D and thankyou for making such a big effort, you are doing a great job

We’re also considering a move, (not overseas, within Australia), and have been having a huge sort out over the past couple of weeks. It’s been very hard parting with some things and even harder trying to convince J to part with some things but we’ve done it! Anything that hasn’t been used in the past year has either been thrown, given away or sold……………. except for a few keepsakes of course. It’s amazing how much “stuff” we have managed to accumulate over the past few years. As for a move, well nothing can be decided until we have seen the Surgeon in a couple of weeks time, after which hopefully we can start making some plans.

Well that’s about everything for now, I really must go do some more of my assignment and write a list of issues to address at our meeting (school).

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The Gallery:Mother Love

It’s been a few weeks since I took part in the Gallery over at Sticky Fingers but this week’s theme was Mother Love…………………. obviously a theme very close to my heart at the moment.

I feel very lucky to be a Mum and to be blessed with my precious little man.  He’s an amazing person, who makes me smile, makes me laugh, sometimes cry, fills my heart with love and pride………………. he’s quite simply my best friend

This month would have been my Nan’s birthday and for the past 5 years at around this time I can’t stop my happy memories from flooding back. My Nan was my world and created so many happy memories for me not just as a child but also when things got tough after my Granddad passed away. My Nan struggled with Altziemers for about 7 years until finally life was just too much for her, but I have so many happy memories of my Nan during those 7 years. Even after she had left us I believe she was with me, watching over my special little man so that he could become our world and fill the void

And finally to my Mum………… my Mum and I have always been friends but I’ve always been closer to my Nan, my younger sister has always had that close bond with my Mum. So I guess what I’m trying to say is………………. I’ve probably not said it enough but I love you Mum!

Thankyou J, Nan and Mum for providing me with Mother Love! xxxxxxxxxxxx

 

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