A Photo A Day For July – Plate

J tells me he’s not a Thomas fan anymore because he’s for babies……………………………..

So he absolutely, definitely doesn’t like Thomas anymore………………this just happens to be his favourite plate and he can’t change that even if he doesn’t lie him anymore! LOL

 

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Starting A New Collection – Silent Sunday

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An Explanation…………Again!

So, this is a post that I originally did back in October 2010 but with a few reactions that we’ve had from a few people since coming back home I thought it was a post that needed saying again………………

So here goes……………

I’ve been writing this post for almost 2 weeks, I wanted to make sure it was right. Over the past month I received a few emails and had a few telephone conversations regarding J and the parenting skills of hubby and myself.  These were negative comments made by others, some people who “care” about us. Comments like, “we’re letting J be naughty”, “we let him get away with things” , “We’re giving in to his tantrums and so teaching him that if he has a tantrum he can get his own way”, “there’s nothing wrong with him, it’s just us”, “He’ll be fine, we should just be stricter” and so on…….. you get the picture.

These comments have had a negative effect and for the last couple of weeks I’ve started doubting our parenting skills, questioning everything I do and just generally feeling like a bad mum who can do no right. So big thanks to all those people!

It’s to those people and any others that would like to or need to understand a little more about J and Aspergers that I write this.

J has a hidden disability.  J has Asperger’s Syndrome (AS) which is an Autistic Spectrum Disorder (ASD).

This means -

J is a literal thinker, he doesn’t understand metaphors, sarcasm etc, see my post But You Said for some examples of this. J doesn’t understand social cues and most facial expressions. He doesn’t wait for someone to finish speaking, he doesn’t think twice about interrupting a conversation, if he has something to say he’ll say it and he HAS to be listened to because he won’t stop and will get louder until he is listened to. Sometimes he shouts, screams and even growls at people, just because. He can talk for hours about his computer games or Power Rangers and doesn’t understand that some people aren’t interested or are bored and fed up with hearing the same things over and over again. He doesn’t understand that sometimes he has to listen as well as talk.

He’s not being rude or attention seeking, he just doesn’t understand the unwritten social “rules” that we all take for granted.

Because of his lack of social skills, J doesn’t really have any friends, his “friends tend to be adult friends of mine or his Dad or they are much younger or older than himself, like H, (2 years) and S, (11 years). He did sort of make a friend at playgroup but didn’t understand that his friend also had other friends and didn’t always want to play his game with him and actually got quite sad about it, saying things like “*Jack* doesn’t want to play with me anymore he just plays with other kids,”  this was simply due to his lack of social skills and understanding.

J obsesses over things, at the moment it’s his computer games and Power Rangers, not only does he talk about them constantly  , he also “acts” like characters from them, reads the instruction book several times a day, (it’s his favourite “book” at the moment) and no matter what he playing with, it becomes his game complete with stages, bases, lands, levels and of course “baddies”.

J needs routine, he doesn’t cope with change. This isn’t just changes to his daily routine, it’s the way things are done, the route we take home, the order in which we do things, the way things work, if we do something in a different place and so on. For example if  we set his alarm clock before he’s had a quick drink from his water bottle we have to start the bedtime routine all over again, he changed rooms at playgroup just for a short while during one of his sessions but this caused him so many anxieties that a few months later he still checks and worries that he will be in a different room, (although he has now just finished attending playgroup), when we went to a prep open day he refused to go to what could be his new classroom because to him that wasn’t his classroom and Miss S and Miss C weren’t in there.

J has various sensory issues. He doesn’t like certain sounds, he can also make strange sounds at times. He has perfect hearing and yet sometimes doesn’t “hear” what is said to him because he has difficulty processing what has been said and organising all the sounds that he is hearing, something that most of us just do without thinking about it. At times it can seem like he is ignoring you, (and I’m sure at times he is, afterall he is a child), but the majority of the time he’s just having difficulty processing what has been said. He can get easily distracted by background noise too, a fridge humming can seem very loud to him, although we probably wouldn’t even notice it’s sound, so you can imagine how hard it can be for him at times to “hear” everything and process everything that he is hearing.

He also has “super sight”, he sees things that others don’t and can get extremely upset with you when you don’t see what he is pointing out to you. Bright lights can also have an effect on J, he often says they are hurting him.

J is also sensitive to certain smells and tastes and is extremely sensitive to touch. He smells everything and is extremely sensitive to a few smells that he doesn’t like.  He has a very limited diet, eating mostly white, very bland tasting foods. He hasn’t developed fully orally, by this I don’t mean that he has difficulty speaking, he’s extremely verbal, in fact he uses words that alot of 10 year olds wouldn’t use let alone 4 year olds. What this does mean is, he bites and chews himself, others, toys, clothes, etc…. He also licks his lips and gets a very sore mouth as a result of that. He overfills his mouth quite often because he simply doesn’t realise how much he in his mouth until he has too much in there.  As for touch, well J likes to touch everything, (usually when he’s smelling things), providing it’s not “dirty” of course. He HATES getting messy and in particular having dirty hands. He doesn’t like to be touched by others, for example if someone brushes past you in a busy shop you might barely notice it, however J will insist that someone has hurt him on purpose and will shout and scream. He doesn’t like anything to touch his head, so you can imagine how much fun haircuts are! He also has issues with clothes, at times he doesn’t like the colour or the way the material feels against his body, other times he insists that a tag or a seam is hurting him.

J also has difficulty with proprioception, (this is the sense that indicates whether the body is moving with required effort, as well as where the various parts of the body are located in relation to each other) and vestibular (The vestibular system in the brain allows us to stand upright, maintain balance and move through space.  It coordinates information from the vestibular organs in the inner ear, the eyes, muscles and joints, fingertips and palms of the hands, pressors on the soles of the feet, jaw, and gravity receptors on the skin and adjusts heart rate and blood pressure, muscle tone, limb position, immune responses and balance).  All of this means that he has difficulty staying still, in fact the only time he sits still is when he’s playing on his computer games but even then at times he has to be moving. He has an unusual bounce, he likes bouncing and jumping, it helps his body awareness. He doesn’t have great co-ordination,  he has a poor pencil grip, (he tends to grab rather than hold a pencil), he has difficulty using cutlery, (well he rarely uses it, preferring finger foods), he has difficulty pedalling a bike, using a scooter etc. He has almost no sense of danger, (although does have some fears), he climbs on everything so that he can jump off it, (he says that he’s base jumping!!). He has a high pain threshold, when he broke his collar bone earlier this year we had to wait 4 hours to be seen in A & E because he wasn’t screaming so it obviously wasn’t that bad! We quite often find a new bump or bruise, (he quite accident prone), that he hasn’t realised has happened until we discover it. We’ve been working on this with him, trying to explain to him that even if he hurts himself the tiniest bit he must tell someone, of course he’s now telling us everytime he gets the tiniest scratch, we can’t seem to find a happy medium.

J isn’t a good sleeper, he plays the usual games that most children play at bedtime, not wanting to go to bed, coming out with excuses etc, bedtime can take over an hour.Despite the warm temperature he insists on having his fleece blanket and his quilt on him and it must be over his collar bone. Once he is all tucked up fast asleep, he very rarely stays asleep, often waking 2-3 times a night and is a very early riser, he gets up most mornings between 5.30am and 6.30am.

Of course all of the above creates anxieties within J and leads to meltdowns. Please take note, Meltdowns are not Tantrums. When a child has a tantrum it’s usually because he/she isn’t getting their own way or what they want, J has tantrums just like every other child, however when J has a meltdown it’s usually due to his anxieties or his sensory issues. When J has a meltdown anything can happen. He hurts himself and others, he bites, hits, kicks, screams, shouts, scratches, pinches, opens and slams doors, throws things, smashes things……. the works. He seems to develop some kind of super strength when a meltdown occurs. J has difficulty regulating his emotions. Once a meltdown has started there is nothing we can do, we just have to try to make sure we protect him, (and ourselves) from getting hurt and simply wait until it’s over. Meltdowns can last anything from 10 minutes to the whole day. Meltdowns can occur because of almost anything and often occur without warning.

Of course these are just some of the difficulties encountered by J and ourselves, however there are also lots of positives, something we try to focus on and work with.

For example,

J is incredibly smart. At 4 he has just started recognising and reading certain written words, he can count to over 100, he can add and subtract, he knows all of his shapes and even knows the difference between a sphere, a cylinder and a circle. He knows so many facts about the human body, various animals etc you just wouldn’t believe. He can operate any computer games console and is a whizz on my desktop.

He has a great memory – he knows everything there is to know about his computer games, Power Rangers and some animals.

He has an amazing connection with animals, he loves them. He isn’t bothered by their size and colour or if they’re dangerous, he talks to them, hugs them, feeds them and so on. It’s wonderful to watch him interacting with them at the Zoo.

He’s very loyal.

He knows what he wants, once he’s made his mind up about something he won’t change it.

He’s persistent.

He’s a great leader.

He has great attention for detail.

I could go on forever with his positive so I’ll stop there, I think this post is probably long enough already. If you’ve stuck with it and have read the whole post, I thankyou for taking the time to read it and hope that it helps to “explain” some of the difficulties that J encounters and some of the difficulties that we encounter as his parents.

We know that J is going to encounter all kinds of difficulties during his life and parenting a child with Aspergers isn’t going to be easy, but we’re doing our best. We’re learning to appreciate the tiniest accomplishment, (like getting dirty feet or using a shower), we’re learning to understand some of J’s triggers, we’re trying to help him to understand feelings and social skills, we’re trying to help him develop to his full potential, we’re trying to ease some of his anxieties, we’re trying to set a good example, afterall we are his most important and influential teachers.

Most importantly we love him for who he is and we’re proud of him and everything he does.

I found this great post on Dani G‘s blog, please click, visit and read it’s a great explanation of What is Autism.

Obviously there have been a few changes since I wrote the above post but overall it sums up what I wanted to explain, I’ll write an updated version at some point over the next few weeks ;)

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Moshi Monsters, Mario, Sonic…………..Could You Remember Them All?

Well could you? I know I can’t ……………I try but I just can’t.

However my amazing, awesome little man can! J has the most amazing memory EVER!

Since arriving back in the UK J has discovered Moshi Monsters. We went to play at a friend’s house, her youngest daughter, H, is a couple of years younger than  J but they have always had some kind of special connection……..And I hope my friend will agree it really is quite special watching them play together

Anyhow, H had a small collection of Moshi Monsters which they played happily with…………..and so the interest began, yes interest it’s not quite an obsession yet, Mario still holds the crown there. It becomes an obsession when every other conversation, every other game and 90% of all artwork is that particular topic and at the moment Mario is his favourite topic of conversation, almost all artwork is a Mario character or a level/world on a Mario game and every other game that we play becomes a mario world/level or story.

J took around 2 weeks to memorize every Mario character in his games, one of his favourite things to read was the instruction booklet that came with his Wii games, (yes he has more than 1 and he’s sooooo good at playing them).

He took around a week to memorize every Sonic character.  In fact we have used Sonic to help him make a connection between Australia and the UK. How? Well Knuckles is an Echidna and so is Australian, Sonic is a Hedgehog and so is English……..see the connection?  But what has amazed me even more is his ability to store all of that info and then memorize the name of each and every Moshi Monster in such a short period of time!

Despite J talking about Mario every day and night, (he’s woken up on more than one occasion during the night to tell me something very important about Mario!), I’ve not been able to remember the names of all the Mario characters, let alone Sonic, Moshi Monsters and all the other things he knows……….don’t get me started on animal and space facts!

So, I wondering how I can make his interests and obsessions more educational. I mean if he can memorize all of the things he can, imagine how he could excel if for example Mario became a scientist……………….

J you amaze me everyday little man. You’re pretty awesome and Mummy’s so proud of you…………………..You’re going places kiddo!

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A Few Of His Favourite Things…….

Day 63 –

J is obsessed with leaves and has quite a collection that he has built up over the last few weeks. When I collected him from school this week he told me again that 2 of his classmates had been “really nasty and broke some of his leaves,” he was quite upset by this. I know they’re just leaves but to J they are amongst his most precious possessions. He told me that he told the teacher and she had told him not to worry about it………………… probably not the best words to use because she meant it in a “don’t worry I’ll talk to them about it” way but being a literal thinker all he heard was “don’t worry about it”, which ofcourse he did! *sigh*

Here’s some of J’s leaf collection

Day 64 –

Every night when he gets home from school there’s nothing J loves more than sinking into his ball pit. We’ve gotten through a few of the inflatable ones, he loves to jump into them and rummage around unfortunately that has meant that he has popped a few, so we now use a small paddling pool. It works a treat!

 

Day 65 –

J’s most favourite thing in the whole world is his special doggy.

Special doggy comes everywhere with us, it’s very cute watching him talk to his special doggy on the way to and from school in the car and then he gives him a hug and a kiss…………. special doggy has to wait for J in the car whilst he is at school, he won’t take him into school just in case the other kids touch him           And of course special doggy is always with him at bedtime along with his skanky blanky

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10/365 – Lego Meets Mario

Since about the age of 2 J has loved Lego, he’s always loved building things with the blocks and I’ve always encouraged his love of Lego because it helps to develop so many different skills.  Over the last few months J obsession with Mario has grown and so it was only a matter of time before the 2 met. As you can see from the picture it’s not actually Mario that he loves it’s the “baddies”

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If You Can’t Beat Them Join Them – Part Two

Just before Christmas I made J a Mario game, which he loved. It’s no secret that J is completely obsessed with Mario, he especially loves the “baddies”

Since then I have decided to just roll with it and well as I said before if you can’t beat ‘em join ‘em  I created a storybook for him. I looked everywhere for a Mario book, (other than his instruction books which are among his favourites!), but couldn’t find one anywhere, even Ebay let me down. *sigh* So I got my thinking cap on, found some Mario pictures and created his very own storybook, loosely based on the game.  He loves it so much we’ve read it every bedtime since  made it and he’s asked if I can make another one.

Through December we placed a Mario figure in his Advent pocket everyday which he thought was great but he had nothing to play with them on…….. a Marioworld.

 

 

So I took myself off to Bunnings and returned with a sheet of MDF and asked him if he would like to create a Marioworld. Very excited he began bouncing up and down and flapping his arms shouting “ooh yes, can I make it now?”

It’s taken 2 days to create, (we had to wait for paint, clay and glue to dry), but it’s now completed and he loves it………….Ofcourse now we HAVE to play Mario every waking minute but whilst creating his Marioworld, he used messy glue, he used his imagination, he practised his fine motor skills, he used and practised his social skills, he painted and got pretty messy, (needed to have a bath the minute he got paint on him though LOL) and had lots of fun. So whilst I may have admitted defeat and indulged his Mario obsession, I’m really happy with just how much he got out of doing this activity.

J designed the whole thing, I just helped with the painting, gluing, clay and the flags………………………….. what do you think?

Not bad hey?  Pretty darn good for a 4 year old with a limited imagination  ;)

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If You Can’t Beat Them, Join Them

Today I gave in…………… every conversation, game, toy………whatever has some sort of Mario, Dewy, Sonic or Power Ranger reference, (at the moment mostly Mario) and ofcourse it’s usually the baddies that he’s talking about! To be honest it is driving us a little crazy, sometimes we just don’t want to talk about Mario and we don’t want to play his game but today I said “what the hey, if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em!”

At 7.30 this morning…………….. yes 7:30am, I had been listening to Mario talk for about an hour and my head was hurting so I came up with a plan, “Why don’t we make our own Mario game?” I asked J.  Immediately he started jumping up and down shouting “OOOH YEAH!”   It took about an hour to make, J had to choose what characters he would like on his board game and then I had to draw them, (unfortunately hubby is the artist in our family), but we were very happy with the finished product and after laminating everything we sat together and played it twice………………….. properly, you know taking it in turns, rolling the dice and then only moving the amount of spaces allowed…………..no big dramas!

Here’s our game

 

 

 

 

 

J’s verdict, “It’s my best game ever!”  So there you have if you can’t beat them, join them

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