Dear Jellybean......

Dear Jellybean,

I can’t believe a year has passed already!

12 months ago we had hope in our souls, belief in our minds and love in our hearts. Hope that in some way things would turn out ok in the end, belief that one day we’d hold you in our arms and so much love for you in our hearts. Then came the news that would take away all of the hope and belief that we’d had, leaving a hole that would be impossible to fill.

I’ve thought about you often over the past 12 months. Wondering if we’d of had another prince to rule our house. Ofcourse you would have had a tough time trying to rule the house of J but I’m sure he would have loved you as much as we already did. I can imagine that he would have been such a fab big Brother and would have taught you so much. Or maybe you would have been a little princess, a little sister for J to watch over….Yes you would have been a princess, imagine the fun we could have had on our Mother/Daughter days. How we would have laughed together as we shared precious memories and cried together as I wiped your tears when a boy dared to break your heart.

I often wonder who you would have been like. Everybody tells me J looks like Daddy but has my personality, so I wonder if you would have looked like me but had Daddy’s personality. I wonder what your eyes would have been like, would they sparkle like your Brothers? I wonder what sort of person you would have grown into. I bet you would have had a smile that could light up a room, just like your Brother.

I’ll never forget the pain we felt rip through us when the doctors told us that we’d never get to hold you in our arms, we’d never get to see that beautiful smile or the sparkle in your eyes. That day like too many before it are memories that will remain with us forever, as will the love for you in our hearts. For now my sweet princess, I’m going to keep hold of those memories that could have been.

Lots of love

Mummy xxxxx

About these ads