Things That Bother and Annoy Me………

I’ve been tagged by my lovely friend Mummy Matters to write a post about things that bother and annoy me.  Well I had a good think about this one because whilst there are things that bother and annoy me at different times in my life there are some things that always bother and annoy me.

Firstly like Mummy Matters children with snotty noses really annoys me, as she said, tissues aren’t expensive please parents just give it a wipe before it becomes all green and crusty, something that bothers me even more than the actual snotty nose!

If any of you have read my post Stop and Think before you Stare will probably already know that people who stare or make negative comments when they see J having a “moment”, a tantrum or at times a complete meltdown really annoy me, especially when it’s a parent!  Come on people, surely you don’t have a child who never, ever, not even once, has a tantrum?

Another thing that annoys me is when people tell me that J is being naughty or attention seeking or that I’m over reacting or that his behaviour is down to my parenting skills. Wake up people, he has ASD, he’s not a naughty child and I’m a good parent, we’re all doing our best!

Bad manners also annoys and bothers me. There’s really no need for it, my Nan always taught me that manners cost nothing but are worth alot.  How hard is it to say hello, hold a door open for someone, remember to say please, thankyou, excuse me…………   lady in the queue at the post office last week it would have been so much nicer if you could have said excuse me instead of pushing past me, I’m just glad that J wasn’t with me, (we may have had a meltdown and then she would have regretted pushing!).

Ok one last thing that always annoys me is speeding motorists. Speed limits are there for a reason, like the ones outside schools that some motorists just completely ignore. To the driver that hangs on my bumper and beeps their horn at me because I’m doing the speed limit and they’re in a rush……. tough your action will not make me go any faster.  To the drivers who speed and then moan about being caught,  here’s a thought……… don’t speed!  Please remember speed kills!

Now it’s over to you, here’s my tags

Growing My Family Tree

Hear Mum Roar

Sleepless Nights

Bad Mummy

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How Are You Feeling?

We tell J that we love him everyday, several times a day and until about 2 weeks ago, (after reading one of Tony Attwood‘s books), we’d always assumed that he understood and knew what that meant.

We’ve always known that he has a problem understanding and controlling feelings and has shown a lack of empathy towards others. However we’d always thought he understood, “I love you”, because it would make him smile or we’d get a hug and he’d say it back.

Anyway, I said it to him a couple of weeks ago and as usual he said it back, so I asked him, “do you know what that means?”  He replied with a shoulder shrug and, “well, I don’t know but it’s good.” I asked, “Why do you think it’s good?” J replied with, “because you smile so you’re happy so it must be good because you’re happy with me.”  He understands happy and sad but after hearing what he’d said about “I love you” we had a little chat about feelings.  I was a little alarmed that he knew and understood so little about feelings. I know he’s still very young and some understanding will probably develop as he grows but I also know that it can also be a “symptom” of ASD.  So we’ve decided to try to help him understand some feelings a little more, starting with anger, he’s very easily frustrated and can get very angry, very quickly, so probably a good feeling to start with.

We’re going to talk about feelings everyday, one feeling at a time. I know he may never understand all feelings, but then how many of us really do? I hope we can help him with the basics.  Whilst out shopping I stumbled upon a few books that I thought might help us on our quest.  The When I’m Feeling range by Trace Moroney. They had nice bright pictures and were simply written so I decided to buy a few for J.  J has always enjoyed looking at books and being read to.

There are 8 books in the Feelings series:

When I’m feeling Lonely

When I’m feeling Happy

When I’m feeling Loved

When I’m feeling Jealous

When I’m feeling Kind

When I’m feeling Sad

When I’m feeling Scared

When I’m feeling Angry

We started with When I’m feeling Angry and When I’m feeling Lonely.   J loved them, he liked feeling the bumpy pictures, listened really well and at times, I think, made a connection with how the bunny felt in the book.  The last page in the When I’m feeling Lonely book is fantastic, “Sometimes, the things that make me feel ‘different’ are the same things that my friends and family really like about me!”  This is something that I hope J will always remember.

I was so impressed and J liked the books so much that I have now bought all of the books in the series.  If you are looking for something to help explain feelings to your child I would definitely recommend these books, they get a big thumbs up from us.  :)

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“Can’t You Eat Properly?”

I give up, it’s official!

I was discussing some of J’s mess and dirt  phobias/quirks with some of his lovely ladies at his playgroup yesterday and then I spent most of last night thinking about our conversation.   J hates getting dirty in anyway at all. I think I’ve mentioned before how he got a drop of water on his dressing gown and so had to change everything, (pj’s, slippers and so on).  Well, for the past couple of weeks the messy “thing” has gotten so bad that he now won’t even open the fridge door, cupboard door or any door for that matter because he’ll get dirty hands!!  Let me make it clear to you all, we don’t live in a dirty house,  I sweep everyday, I hoover 3 times a week, I dust once or twice a week, (depending on the need), I mop 3 times a week, I clean all the cupboards, sides etc on a regular basis…………and so on.  However none of this is enough for J, he still insists that something’s dirty, (the floor, door etc).

When I arrived at his playgroup to pick him up he was playing outside in the garden ……………. wait for it…………… in the bark…………… with 2 other children!!!!!   I watched him playing for quite a while, mostly because I was shocked and amazed that he was not only playing with other children but he was also playing in something “messy”.   Hooray!!!!      Then he spotted me and we got his bag ready to go home………………. except he refused to get his drink and lunchbox out of the fridge because he’d get dirty hands if he touched the fridge door!!!   Arrgghhhhhhhhh!      I felt like screaming,  I tried explaining that he’d just been playing outside in the bark which was much dirtier than the fridge door, how did he respond?……….  He lifted his hands to me and said “yes but I don’t have dirty hands do I?”     Well I’ll be honest, I didn’t know how to respond to that so I gave in, opened the fridge for him and away we went.

Whilst I was watching him play I was chatting to some of his lovely ladies. Miss M was telling me how J had been playing outside in the bark really well, not bothered about getting dirty but when they came in wouldn’t sit on any of the chairs………. too dirty!!

J struggles to use cutlery, (well he’s never really eaten anything that requires the use of it!), he can use a spoon but he’s pretty clumsy with it, so usually he just uses his fingers to eat.  Mealtimes drive me crazy, he’ll only eat certain foods, won’t/can’t possibly sit at the table, usually has to walk or bounce around whilst he’s eating, he always complains about his hands, mouth, clothes etc being dirty whilst he’s eating, quite often puts too much in his mouth, so ends up spitting lots out, but what really drives me crazy is the crumbing!   He crumbs what he eats as he’s eating and it makes a huge mess. It doesn’t matter what it is, even cheese, don’t ask me how he does it but he has to crumb it.  I don’t understand how a child who hates mess and dirt so much can make so much of it whilst he’s eating!

Well this morning, feeling very tired due to being woken up each and every night for very silly reasons, I reached my breaking point, There was cereal bar all over him, the floor, even a couple of cushions, (don’t ask) and all of this before I’d had chance to have my coffee! So feeling completely exhausted and fed up, I asked him this morning, whilst he was crumbing the remaining quarter of his cereal bar, “J, why can you eat it properly?”  …………  he responded with “my teeth are trying to eat it!”   AArrrgghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!   I give up, how do I respond to that?

Does anyone else out there have similar issues with their ASD child?  If anyone has any advice I’m listening.  We have our first therapy session next week, I know we have alot of issues that need dealing with but the dirty thing is driving me insane…………  how can a child who hates dirt and mess so much be so messy????

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The Gallery – A Photo I’m Proud Of

Tara at Sticky Fingers has made this weeks theme for The Gallery – A Photo I’m Proud Of . . . . .  I’ve never joined in with this before, I found a link on another blog I was reading and thought “what a great idea”. After looking at some great shots on other blogs I thought I’d give it a go ……. but which photo to choose?????

I couldn’t choose just one so here’s a few.  :)

I love this shot of J, it was his first real experience in snow. I think it’s one of those shots that you always miss but this time I got just at the right time, (he was actually just about to turn around to tell me that he had 2 snowmen).

This photo was taken at one of our local beaches, I couldn’t believe how close he/she let us get.

I love how peaceful this photo is and makes me feel.  :)

Just look at that view, who wouldn’t be proud of a photo like that?

And finally, do you promise not to laugh? ……..

promise………..

seriously……………

I took this photo with my spare hand, I’m really proud of it because it worked for a start, let’s face it most of the time we try to take pictures of ourselves we usually end up missing half a head or something, and secondly simply because it a fun shot of J and I swapping glasses and it makes me smile everytime I look at it.

There you have it a few photos that I’m proud of.  :)

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Parenthood is ……………

Unconditional love

Happiness

Being your child’s most important teacher

Different everyday

Amusing

Challenging

Entertaining

Fun

Getting to know all the names of your child’s toys and favourite characters

Wow!

Hard work at times

Laughter and tears

The job I’ve always wanted

Well paid (with love)

A mix of emotions everyday

A mystery at times

Feeling proud of the smallest thing that your child does

Ultimately  Parenthood is probably the hardest but most amazing, fantastic, satisfying and happiest experience I’ve ever had and will ever have!

Tell me what is parenthood to you?

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Kreativ Blogger Award Meme- Seven Thing About Me

I’ve been tagged by Gemma over at Growing My Family Tree for this Kreativ Blogger meme.  It’s an easy one, all I have to do is share with you seven things about me.

So here goes ………..

1: I collect mugs/cups, strange thing to collect I know but I love them. I’ve got over a hundred of them, all shapes and sizes and from all over. I seem to always find a need to buy a new one every time we visit somewhere new. I’ve also received them as gifts from others and I tend to buy myself and hubby the Easter egg that comes with a mug every year, just so I can have the mug!

2: My favourite drink is milk. I like it hot, cold, flavoured and plain, I’m a big fan of the white stuff.

3: I’m addicted to crime tv. I love watching tv programmes like A Touch Of Frost, (David Jason, one of the greatest actors ever!), Criminal Minds,  Lewis, (although I have to admit I preferred Morse and the great John Thaw), all of the CSI’s and so on.

4: I’m a huge……. really huge Elvis fan! I love the music, the dancing, the movies, the Vegas thing, the man and well ….. everything!

5: Adverts drive me crazy, even though there are some really good ones out there.  I hate it when you’re watching a good movie on tv, it gets to a critical part of the movie, suspense is just starting to kick in, you can’t take yourself away from the screen………… STOP advert break!!!   ruins the whole movie for me, so I try not to watch too many on tv, (no ads with a dvd!!!)

6: Dolphins are my favourite animal, they’re really smart and so cute.  When I swam with them at Discovery Cove it was one of the most amazing experiences I’ve ever had and it’s something I’d love to do with J one day.
7: Orlando, Florida is my favourite place in the whole world. We’ve had a few really good holidays there and I love it.  I’m an America fan and for me there is no place on earth like Orlando. The theme parks are fantastic, the people are friendly, the houses are lush, the nearby beaches are gorgeous, the weather fab, it’s a shopper’s paradise…………….. the list goes on and on.

Now I have to tag seven bloggers, spread a little blogging love

The rules are as follows:

Copy the award to your blog

Insert a link to the person who nominated you

Share seven things about yourself that you haven’t told us before

Nominate other bloggers for the award – share the love

Link to their blogs

Tell the nominees about their award

My tags, (and some great blogs)

Kathryn at Crystal Jigsaw

Supersinglemum

DeepinMummymatters

Megan at Writing Out Loud

Save Mum’s Sanity

Brenda at Mummy-time

Sharon at Hearmumroar

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A Day in the Garden

We spent most of today in the garden, big deal I hear you say, well actually it is quite a big deal!  For the past few weeks getting J to play in the garden has been a little difficult, mostly he’s complained that he’ll get dirty if he goes out.  When we have convinced him he’ll be ok, we’ve spent around 1/2 hr playing and then he’s come in and had a bath and put pyjamas on, (because he has to put pj’s on when he gets out the bath even if it’s the middle of the day).   So today was a huge deal! We’ve spent a good 4 hours outside playing with various things and although he’s changed his clothes a few times, (3 changes because they were dirty), he only washed his hands and arms!  In fact he’s lasted all day without having his bath!!!  :)

Today has been so much fun and we’ve done so many different things.

We started our day in the garden by doing abit of weeding. Granddad R and Nanny T gave J a set of gardening tools before

we left the UK and he loved putting them to use.

We got creative and did some painting.

Then we searched for ants!       We bounced!

And then we blew bubbles and tried to catch them.

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Keeping Our Fingers Crossed

We had our meeting at school number 2 today and it couldn’t have been more different from school number 1.

Firstly school number 1, we were with them in an office for about 20 minutes ticking boxes on forms and being told that J wouldn’t get any support until he started “real school” and even then it would only be at lunchtimes.

School number 2, we were taken to a large classroom with toys in for J to play with, (which he did the whole time with Daddy), where we spent almost 2 hrs talking to the Head of Special Education (HSE). We were then introduced to his potential teacher, (if he gets accepted),  who even stayed late in order to show us around what will hopefully be his classrooms, playground etc.  We were actually listened to and the HSE asked lots of questions about J and what his various quirks were. We are hoping that we’ll get accepted and he will start an Early Intervention programme at the school, it’s a pre prep programme, in about 4-5 weeks time and then hopefully f/t Prep in January.  I feel really positive about the school and J even asked if he could go back there when we left! (has to be a good sign)  :)   If he gets accepted onto the programme he will be in the classrooms with the teacher that we met, a teacher aide and only 5 other pupils, then hopefully once in Prep will also have a teacher aide in his class.

So, so much more positive than school number 1.  

Now we’re just keeping our fingers crossed that we’ll get a call within the next 2 weeks to say he’s been accepted.  :)

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What’s Your Song?

I listen to alot of music, I don’t have a particular favourite kind of music but I do have a few favourite artists. What I listen to depends on my mood, I love the way music can make you feel.

The other day I was sat in the car singing along to Phil Collins and I started thinking about which songs best describe me. There’s so many great songs out there it was really hard to choose, but here’s what I chose and the reasons why.

• A Song For Mama  by Boyz 2 Men - I chose this song because I am a Mama. I’ve always wanted to be a Mum and I waited a long time for my gorgeous little bundle of joy. I love being a Mum, it’s the best job in the world.  :)   I hope one day J will sing/say the words of this song to me in some way and I hope that I can be all of the things in this song.

• Amazed  by Lonestar - The first verse and the chorus of this beautiful song is exactly how I would describe my feelings for J.   What more can I say …….. “Every little thing that you do, Baby I’m amazed by you”  xxxxx

• So Hard To Say Goodbye (To Yesterday) - I chose this song to be played at my Nan’s funeral and it still makes me cry whenever I listen to it. I’ve always found goodbyes hard, (I still have a doll that my Granddad gave me when I was 2 yrs old!), but saying goodbye to my Nan was the hardest goodbye ever.

• The Sunscreen Song  by Baz Luhrman - This song is full of good advice and very wise words. I’d like to think that I was the type of person who would offer advice if I could and was asked, however I’m very strong minded and independent and find it hard to accept advice.

• Smile  by Nat King Cole -  Most of the time people see me I try to have a smile on my face………… and I have a big smile, dimples the works.  :)   I seem to have a habit at laughing at completely the wrong time too, (like at a friend’s funeral!!!!)  I love to make people smile too, especially J…………………… go on smile you’ll feel better for it  :)

• You Got The Love by Florence and The Machine -  This song pretty much describes how I feel alot of the time, let’s face it who doesn’t at some point feel like throwing their hands up in the air and saying lord I just don’t care!  I know no matter how tough life gets, I can look at J and know that the love myself and hubby have for our little man will get us through.

What about you, what songs best describe you??

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Sensory Overload!

I received some information about Asperger’s Syndrome last week and in amongst the paperwork I found a piece that I found really interesting and also quite an eye opener. It explains how hard a simple trip to the supermarket can be for someone with Asperger’s and how it can be a huge sensory overload. J has always had extra sensitive senses but until I read this article I had never realised just how hard a trip to the supermarket could be for him.

The article talks about how confusing it can be to hear so many different sounds, even little things like other people’s steps, trolley wheels and even the sound of the lights buzzing!  Also how confusing all the different sights in and around the supermarket can be, all the different colours, shapes, brightness, people, items………..   Then there’s all the different smells, not just items in the supermarket but also the people in the shop, their bags and what they have in their bags and even the trolleys and baskets!   J has often said to me on previous trips that he “doesn’t like that trolley because it smells”. To be honest before I read this article I’d never really listened and just assumed it was another one of his quirks,  but now I’m thinking maybe they did smell and I just couldn’t smell whatever he was smelling but my senses aren’t as sensitive as his.

Then there’s the crowds of people that you could brush past and the queues at the checkout, along with more new smells, sights, sounds ………  J like alot of children has always had a problem with queues, I’d always thought this was just a kid thing, nobody likes queues but children seem to find them harder than adults. However after reading the article I thought about previous trips a little more and realised that although the waiting patiently is a hard for him, (as it is with most children), the hardest thing about queuing for J is the other people in the queue, He doesn’t like other people to touch him, even the slightest brush, (as can so often happen when you’re queuing), can freak him out and lead to a meltdown. Once again of course there is also all the sights, smells and sounds, along with being “touched”, I’m really not surprised that meltdowns occur.

After reading the article about a simple shopping trip I’m even more amazed by my wonderful, fantastic son. It’s really shocked me to think about what he goes through each time we go out and I can’t even begin to imagine how hard it was for him when we went to Dreamworld.  Maybe that’s why he loves the beach so much, it’s always so quiet and never crowded …….. no sensory overload.

From now on I’m going to try not to take him to the supermarket, especially when it’s busy and if we go somewhere and there’s a queue, whatever the queue’s for, we’ll come back to do.

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