Over the past couple of months J has started shouting everything, it doesn’t matter what he wants to say he’s, (quite randomly, but getting more regularly) had to shout it! Thankfully the yelling has been mostly directed at us but he has occasionally directed it at strangers and other people that we know, however the yelling, like the random behaviour “issues”, aren’t confined to the house, in fact it gets worse when we’re out. As if the looks from strangers, (because of his behaviour at times), wasn’t enough, people are now staring because of the yelling too! I suppose all they see is a small child being allowed to behave in that way and to yell at his parent(s). They don’t see that it doesn’t matter what we say or do, it won’t change what he does, they don’t see the chats we have about the need to sometimes talk quietly and how we should try to be nice to people. They don’t see that he’s not yelling or behaving in that way because he’s being rude, spoilt, disrespectful or because he’s having a tantrum, it’s just part of who he is………….So come on people wake up and realise that there might be a much bigger picture than what you’re seeing!!!!
The disapproving looks, comments and stares directed at us are starting to make us feel anxious about going out before we even leave the house. We know that at some point whilst we’re out we’re going to have to cope with an “explosion” or 2 of some kind, that’s not what makes us anxious, at the end of the day it’s going to happen whether we’re out or at home, we’re getting used to it now and we deal with it whatever way we can. What makes us anxious and at time really cross is the reactions from other people, strangers who know nothing about us, our son or our situation!
I wish people would stop and think about the effect that their reaction has on all of us. J gets really frustrated and angry because he doesn’t like people staring at him, so this just adds fuel to the behaviour. As for us, well thanks, you make us feel like we’re bad parents who should be doing more to “control” their son’s behaviour, Oh no, wait, there’s nothing more we can do, we’ve tried everything and failed ……. we’re failures.
Please next time you’re out and about and you see what you think is a child having a tantrum, please stop before you stare, comment or give a disapproving look. Think about it maybe the behaviour of the child and the parent’s reaction is part of a much bigger picture. Remember your stares, looks and comments will only make the situation worse and if you really must comment, how about words of support???
Stop and think before you stare or comment!